So this week I’m picking up from last time on what it means to use the word “adult” as a verb. I define this as accepting the mission of reparenting oneself.
Here’s what I mean: Our parents gave each of us the tools they had, and most of the time there were pieces missing from the hereditary toolbox.
To reparent ourselves, we have to go find these tools, or sometimes build them from within.
This is not a tragedy, it is our karmic lot in this life. (And that’s as woo-woo as I’ll get today. I promise.) With the help of a coach or therapist, or even an epiphanic moment via a book, film or class, this is altogether possible. (And tell me you don’t love that word: Epiphanic.)
As you may recall, I shared with you that getting out of bed solely for myself, when there wasn’t someone or something else to show up for, was one of the tools I was missing.
At the time when it would have been good for my parents to show up for me, they couldn’t. If they had, it would have given me that tool.
Realizing this has been the key to my finding it for myself. But it isn’t just about knowing the why: the work it took to realize this meant getting past blaming them.
How else could I accept responsibility for getting on with my life?
This inner knowing is the reminder that triggers me showing up for myself, every morning.
And it’s working.
What I discovered was that when I “show up for myself” by getting out of bed early enough to have the morning, I take back the rest of the day. And that goodness accrues: the benefits of having the morning gives me added incentive to keep getting out of bed early day after day.
For me, giving myself the morning is not about getting up at the crack of the ass of dawn to run 5K. It’s about getting up a couple of hours before any obligations begin, so that there’s time to have coffee, meditate, determine my objectives for the day (no more than three!), journal and literally stare at the wall for a while (yes, my new wall!).
Most importantly, I stay away from anything that will pull me into reactivity (like checking email or going online at all for that matter) because you can’t get centered and generate anything while you’re reacting to stuff. At that point, your thoughts are no longer your own.
So to summarize: Take back your morning, take back your thoughts, take back your day, take back your life.
That’s how it works.
What that looks like for you may be totally different from what it looks like for me. Maybe you do wake up and run 5K. But if that’s not it, don’t lay anything on yourself that doesn’t produce a sense of well-being.
I don’t doubt that running does that. I’m just not there. The main component for me is enjoyment. If I start “should-ing” all over myself, I’ll just go back to bed.
Whatever gets you out of bed and in touch with yourself is the best way to start your day.
So I’d love to hear what your recipe for the ideal morning is. Please post in the comments to inspire others!
Great post! I’m also working on showing up for myself. Caring for my little girl that’s afraid. All that. Great stuff!
What a great read! Taking care of myself varies from day to day or week to week. It could be taking a walk in the park, a yoga or dance class, reading an inspirational book, or just tackling the laundry.