Paradoxically, developing ‘mental toughness’ requires an embrace of our own emotional vulnerability.
Denial is not mental toughness. It is a physical illness waiting to happen.
Therefore, I hereby coin the term: ‘Emotional Stoicism’. I prefer it to ‘mental toughness’, because for me ‘toughness’ doesn’t provide us with any insight. It’s nondescript, kind of like the word ‘weird’. “That’s weird.’ What’s ‘weird’? Weird is a weird word.
It takes courage to expose oneself to rejection repeatedly, each time needing to manage the inevitable feelings that ensue in order to allow them to pass and ante up again. The key to what is called ‘mental toughness’ then, is the ability to contain our recovery. That takes stoicism, an ability to abide and learn from whatever happens as we go through it without external drama. We become ‘tougher’ mentally the more we practice the emotional stoicism of containment because with practice we’re able to do it more quickly.
Emotional Stoicism is about building resilience, another needed skill in the creative professional’s (or anybody’s) toolkit. Fortunately, over millennia, many resilience methodologies have been developed, from religion to spirituality, to philosophy, to psychology to coaching.
If you were lucky enough to be parented without shame in cultivating true ‘mental toughness’ (and not denial), call your folks and thank them if you still can. As far as I can tell from all my years on the planet, you are one rare bird.
The rest of us have had to go elsewhere to develop it.
Fortunately for us, we can.
So first, don’t quit. That is the first tenet of Emotional Stoicism.
The second? Get help.
