{"id":2961,"date":"2018-06-14T20:43:03","date_gmt":"2018-06-15T00:43:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/createcalling.wpengine.com\/?p=2961"},"modified":"2018-06-15T13:53:00","modified_gmt":"2018-06-15T17:53:00","slug":"self-trust-means-you-know-what-you-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/creativecallingcoaching.com\/self-trust-means-you-know-what-you-know\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Trust Means You Know What You Know Until You Decide to Change Your Mind"},"content":{"rendered":"

On Monday nights at 7PM, I attend <\/span>Kadampa Meditation Center<\/span><\/a>\u2019s evening session. \u00a0Tonight, <\/span>Kadam Morten<\/span><\/a> was teaching the concept of <\/span>emptiness<\/span><\/a>, which is basically the true nature of things, including the self we identify as “me.”<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We don\u2019t exist in the way we think we do.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For example, we are not some composite of personality traits with which we identify, or states of being, or limitations of any kind. \u00a0In fact, once you realize that, you are quite free to be and experience any and everything. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In other words, if you try to pinpoint “you,” you won\u2019t find your “me,” except in terms of labels, like mom, coach, woman, mind, body, somebody bad at math and so forth. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This knowing is not easy to teach, much less articulate. \u00a0So when our teacher asked “any questions” and I raised my hand, people giggled nervously.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“When you say “<\/span>identify a self you\u2019ve experienced as uncomfortable during the meditation, and see if you can find it,”<\/span><\/i>\u00a0I don\u2019t understand, because I experience emotions that come and go…not a bunch of different selves\u2026”<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“But you say, “I\u2019m angry…”<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Yeah, but it’s more like I <\/span>have<\/span><\/i> anger. \u00a0<\/span>I <\/span><\/i>am not anger. \u00a0I let go of it eventually…”<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Well, but there are things you get stuck in you can shift out of, right?\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“Right, and that\u2019s painful, but I know that state of being isn\u2019t me, and I shift out of it eventually…and as time goes by faster and faster\u2026”<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“That\u2019s wisdom,” Kadam says. \u00a0“For you, it may not be anger. It may be something else–“<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“But I\u2019m not an emotion… I think we\u2019re arguing semantics here–” I begin, feeling not quite heard. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“You\u2019re getting too intellectual about this…”<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

(Yeah but if you don\u2019t want people getting intellectual, then why ask if they have any questions?)<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“…You\u2019re not a Buddha. \u00a0So until you are, you can\u2019t yet really grasp emptiness.”<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well, okay. \u00a0Who can argue with that?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Trying to convey an experience of spirituality is like trying to convey the taste of ice cream. \u00a0\u00a0It can never adequately be done.\u00a0 Its not an intellectual understanding.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After class, I remained frustrated. \u00a0I found myself in a conversation with one of the advanced teachers in attendance, trying to describe the moment I first experienced my own awareness of “self.” \u00a0 I was seven, sitting on the toilet when suddenly I realized I was seeing the world through a pair of eyes, <\/span>from a singular perspective<\/span>, in a way no one else could.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“That was unfortunate,” he quipped.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“No, that\u2019s the experience of awareness I get back to when I meditate… it’s very fundamental. \u00a0Its a sense of self that feels separate and apart from anything else going on.. And if you ask me who or what that is, I\u2019d say I don\u2019t know.” \u00a0(To me, that\u2019s emptiness.)<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“I know what will help you understand,” he stated confidently. \u00a0He went on to explain how a smoothie doesn\u2019t exist. \u00a0It’s actually fruits and yogurt and whatever else blended together\u2026 and so it goes whenever you try to pinpoint something\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That much is true. \u00a0You can\u2019t pinpoint a spiritual experience.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As frustrating as I found these exchanges, at a certain point I was able to go home rather than stick around until I felt understood.\u00a0 I also know that as I walked away, this man also felt unheard.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At some point, you just have to trust that you know what you know, which I don’t think has to mean you’re close-minded.\u00a0 It doesn’t mean your experience can’t ever be reframed.\u00a0 In the context of emptiness, of course it can.\u00a0 (And so you don’t misunderstand this post, I love Kadampa<\/a>, and will certainly continue to attend and wrestle with the concepts explored in the classes there.)<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Whatever you glean from life\u2019s epiphanic moments are open to your reinterpretation.\u00a0 But you don\u2019t have to let anyone convince you that your interpretation is wrong if it brings you a sense of peace.<\/span><\/p>\n

In fact, there\u2019s nothing wrong with guarding your uplifting sacred moments. \u00a0They\u2019re meant for you, not anybody else.\u00a0 I mean, you can share them if you like.\u00a0 But personally I find that any attempt I make to convey them fall way short of the mark.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No one else is qualified to certify the validity of your experience unless you decide to let them.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That power is yours alone.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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