Holidays with friends and family… Ah the idyllic images that come to mind\u2026and if you\u2019re lucky, the memories\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For those of us with neurodivergent challenges however, holiday gatherings present a gauntlet of impulse control related land mines. One is \u2018oversharing\u2019 or as the kids say now, providing \u2018TMI\u2019. The result can be glazed looks and post-holiday shame-spiraling. So how do we avoid \u2018going there\u2019?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I think back to reunions with family in the past, I can recall filling my detached and frankly troubled relatives in on details of my relationships, sex life and g-d knows what else. These are people I don\u2019t even talk to anymore, so what the hell was I thinking?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think it was something along the lines of \u201cif I\u2019m totally transparent with you, you\u2019ll finally see who I am, and love me for who I am.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It never worked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you find yourself talking too much, pause. Excuse yourself from the table if you have to. Find a quiet space to breathe and then ask yourself: \u2018is this someone who ever shares themselves transparently with me in the same way I\u2019m feeling compelled to now? Do we have that kind of relationship? Or do I usually walk away feeling unseen?\u2019 if the answer to the first two questions is \u2018no\u2019 and the third one \u2018yes\u2019, then it’s time to shut up. It\u2019s good self-care. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One way to do that is to practice \u2018Grey Rocking\u2019. Rightfully considered an effective technique for dealing with narcissistic personalities, grey rocking is self-protective. It works like this: Do not initiate any controversial topics. If such topics are raised, do not engage. In fact, find an excuse to disengage. If possible, keep all discourse to benign discussions like what series you like to binge watch or the weather (avoid climate change depending on political affiliations). <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This verbal camouflage, while frustrating, at least allows for gentle, congenial connection and sadly, necessary separation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sorry. If someone insists on relating to the person they think you are<\/strong> rather than the one in front of them, there\u2019s no Scrooge on Christmas morning epiphanies to be had.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n It is both a relief and a tragedy to realize this. Many of us, myself included, have had to be willing to mourn relationships that never were in order to have any kind of relationship at all with the difficult people in our lives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Even then, the heartbreaking truth is, if you\u2019re dealing with severe dysfunction, not even that is possible. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If this is the case, cherish the longstanding friendships, communities you feel at home in, and life-long loves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n They are your chosen family\u2026the people with whom you\u2019re safe to share TMI.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Holidays with friends and family… Ah the idyllic images that come to mind\u2026and if you\u2019re lucky, the memories\u2026 For those of us with neurodivergent challenges however, holiday gatherings present a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":371551,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"\n Stress can be either helpful or unhelpful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, for some people, procrastination creates the stress needed to focus. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Unfortunately, the procrastination used in cultivating the stress that spits out a term paper at the last minute is a road paved with anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So what is anxiety? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Anxiety is worrying in advance. It is a state of fear in response to a future event or occurrence. Anxiety is generated by worry, and worry, simply put, is an abuse of the imagination. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Ergo, unlike stress, anxiety is never useful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So if you find yourself worrying a lot, you\u2019ve got anxiety. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re cranking something out for twelve hours straight day after day because you find yourself in either a state of hyperfocus or an inability to slow down and relax without the aid of intoxicants, you\u2019re stressed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In the above case of negative stress, you\u2019ve probably set yourself up with a lot of anxiety leading up to execution, versus planning well in advance and working incrementally. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A little eustress is good. You can\u2019t win a race without it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But the distress we often find ourselves in is what leads us to quit before we finish something. Leaving something incomplete due to distress only reinforces that pattern.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s a problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In a way, the answer to the question \u201cAm I stressed or is it anxiety\u201d is the wrong question because you\u2019re probably not asking it just to satisfy your curiosity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n What you want is an antidote to both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The antidote to both stress and anxiety is called planning. Planning time for the steps and stages of a project. Planning time with family. Planning time to meditate. Planning to get away and recharge. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Planning is a learnable skill. If you don\u2019t think you\u2019re good at it, then that just means you need to find a teacher and start to practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A coach is a teacher of planning, but not just any plan, your plan. The plan hidden inside you. That\u2019s the plan we coaches are trained to help you excavate and execute. <\/p>\n\n\n\n So whether you\u2019re stressed or anxious, chances are your plans could use an upgrade. Time step outside and take a look at your modus operandi, if you have one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If not, it\u2019s time to call an expert.<\/p>\n","_et_gb_content_width":"","_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[68,16,304,305,306],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n